It is a rare pleasure here at the blog when we can bestow ignoble accolades on one of our own.
Ian, whom regular readers of The Most Important Blog... Ever will recognize from his persistent-to-the-point-of-obnoxious comments on the blog has just informed me of a new fellowship which is funding his way through one of the most prestigious journalism schools in the nation.
Yes, that's right, the former ENN Chief Editor has been given a generous fellowship from our old enemies at Wal-Mart Corporation. Rather than turn down this award like any duitiful conservative who believes in pulling himself up by his bootstraps, Ian has courageously decided to jettison his conservatism when it suits him. As a fellow poor graduate student, I sympathize with this decision, but then again, I've never been one to argue for small government or for individualism.
In honor of this unique award and to recognize a valued contributor to The Most Important Blog... Ever, it gives me a great sense of awe to bestow my oldest and best friend with a special Wal-Mart Douchebag Award: Nemesis Edition. Congratulations, Ian, and best of luck with your trek through j-school. We hope to see you continuing to provide important commentary here at the Blog.
Ian, whom regular readers of The Most Important Blog... Ever will recognize from his persistent-to-the-point-of-obnoxious comments on the blog has just informed me of a new fellowship which is funding his way through one of the most prestigious journalism schools in the nation.
Yes, that's right, the former ENN Chief Editor has been given a generous fellowship from our old enemies at Wal-Mart Corporation. Rather than turn down this award like any duitiful conservative who believes in pulling himself up by his bootstraps, Ian has courageously decided to jettison his conservatism when it suits him. As a fellow poor graduate student, I sympathize with this decision, but then again, I've never been one to argue for small government or for individualism.
In honor of this unique award and to recognize a valued contributor to The Most Important Blog... Ever, it gives me a great sense of awe to bestow my oldest and best friend with a special Wal-Mart Douchebag Award: Nemesis Edition. Congratulations, Ian, and best of luck with your trek through j-school. We hope to see you continuing to provide important commentary here at the Blog.
first of all, it's spelled "nemesis" dumbass.
well congratufuckin'-lations ian. no doubt that wal mart will be expecting you to even out the liberal bias in the US media.
seriously though, money is money, so i have no problem with you taking money from what is without a doubt the single most evil corporation in the world. for instance, i would easily sell my soul to philip morris right now if they gave me some cash. but alas, sociology can't really do anything to help them get more kids hooked on tobacco.
oh yeah, nice picture. you have the sexiest arms on a neocon since arnold schwarzenegger.
Thanks for the spelling lesson, a-hole. I'll go proofread your less important blog in just a second here.
Thanks for the compliments, gentlemen. Erik, I'll be expecting the plaque/certificate/trophy/bowling coupons in the mail. I understand that every recipient of this prestigious award receives at least two of the aforementioned items.
Ian
Dammit, how did you hear about the bowling coupons? Have you been talking to Armstrong Williams again?
Hey, Erik...
So, I busted my ass in school, performing well on tests and thereby earned the attention from Wal-Mart that led me to the scholarship. So now accepting the award that I "earned" means that I didn't pull myself up by my bootstraps? Pray explain. =)
Ian
you're right ian, clearly you are the moral superior of all of those people who did not earn the coveted wal mart fellowship which everybody has equal access too.
what's really dumb is that you somehow perceive that your lot in life is somehow deserved on your part, and not the largely the result of the dumb luck of being born who you are. oh you worked so much harder than everyone else and so wal mart has rightly rewarded you. seriously, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds. try typing it, i promise it will feel ridiculous.
god, the bootstraps argument is such a hackneyed conservative argument. and yet you all cling to it, as if it is still the correct answer in the face of decades of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
well, i hate to be the one to burst your bubble ian, but you deserve a fellowship about as much as i deserve to be in graduate school or as much as erik deserves to be bald. in other words, as the great clint eastwood says in the great movie unforgiven, "deserve's got nothing to do with it."
No, not their moral superior, just smarter than them... and prettier.
Notice the mocking quotation marks around earned? That means I'm not taking it seriously, so why are you?
Do I realize how ridiculous it sounds? It actually doesn't sound that ridiculous to me. Maybe that's because I'm not as smart as you are, Bob. Wal Mart can award who they want, and since they decided to award me, I should be able to accept it without feeling guilty.
Erik's argument (which even he doesn't take seriously) is that a true conservative believes in pulling himself up by his bootstraps, and that would preclude his acceptance of an award that would make things financially easier for him. My intended-to-be humorous response, which mocks Erik's even-more-ridiculous statement, is that rewards come as a product of hard work.
I'd be the first one to agree with the statement that I deserve nothing. In fact, you won't find the word "deserve" or any of it's variations in my previous post. Quit reading shit into a post that was meant to be a humorous exchange between the webmaster and myself.
As far as overwhelming evidence is concerned, there is overwhelming evidence that you need to butt the fuck out of shit that doesn't concern you. No one was talking to you. And quit jacking off to my picture. I don't care how pretty my arms are.
Ian
you're right ian. i read your post, and you're right on most counts (including me being smarter that you, since i'm smarter than everyone), and i'm the douchebag here. mea culpa. i will however deflect some of the blame towards erik, who enlisted me to write a response. i have succumbed to the political positioning that douchebags like erik think is the way to solve the problems of america.
anyways, seriously, congrats on your fellowship, i'm sure that you earned every penny of it. i'm better than resorting to personal attacks and i'll hope you'll forgive me for it.
erik, do your own dirty work from now on. i don't care how much you hate black people. i'm not commenting on your blog any more.
Oh, I can take care of my blog all by myself, Bob, and I certainly don't recall "recruiting" you at all. The way I remember it, you were so indignant about Ian's raging conservatism, you decided to let the Ragin Asian in you stretch his legs a bit.
And, as it turns out, none of us has pulled himself up by his bootstraps, so we all should just shut up and keep sucking on the government and corporate teats that keep us in business.
And to be very clear, we are all douches here, but only one of us has truly earned (and I do mean earned) the ignoble Wal Mart Douchebag Award: Nemesis Edition.
the only teats i'm sucking on are your sister's. does she read this blog? i hope so.
It's all good, boys. In other news, the teats of Erik's sisters are rather delectable.
Ian