Vegas Aroused By Erik's Visit

Erik, "Brian-sensei," Gabrielle, and "Mom," part of the crack team working for Kerry in Las Vegas

-- LAS VEGAS, Nevada

In a bold move, Democratic Party officials have dispatched Erik and a crack team of semi-professional rabble-rousers to the swing state of Nevada.  “We need to nail this one down,” said Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry, referring to a prostitute he saw walking across the street on the Las Vegas Strip.  “After that, we need to work hard to win Nevada.”

Recent ENN/CBC/NHK/IHC/UN/IOC/UNESCO/IAEA/JFK/Gallup tracking polls have shown Nevada to be a toss-up, with President Bush polling at around 51% and Kerry at about 48% with a margin of error at 45%.

“When a race is that close, you need as many volunteers as you can get,” Erik explained to ENN reporters outside Erik’s newly refurbished soft porn headquarters in Las Vegas.  “We’re going to do everything we can to make everyone in Nevada vote for John Kerry.  We’ll start by knocking on their doors, then calling, and finally threatening them with stun grenades.  Kerry also might give us some of his duck hunting rifles if necessary.”

A Kerry campaign spokeswoman flatly denied that any Kerry volunteer would use stun grenades.  “We only keep real grenades in stock,” the unidentified woman who looked a lot like Kerry’s daughter said.

ENN reporters on the scene in Vegas have seen Erik, Daraka, Nina, and some interlopers including Brian and Gabrielle working with unions and the Kerry campaign.  “I saw them walking around those gated communities earlier today,” said one eyewitness driving a large pickup truck.  “Wow, they looked out of place.  I’m definitely voting for Bush now,” she continued before being threatened with a stun grenade.  “OK, fine, I’ll vote for Nader,” she said before being bludgeoned by the bare hands of several nearby Democrats.