Erik News Network

Erik Stung By Wasps - Insect Kingdom On New Offensive

-- LOVE FAMILY HEADQUARTERS, Michigan

In what signals a new offensive from the Insect Kingdom, which recently declared war on Erik, two WASP operatives stung Erik in the lower leg today, causing two welts Erik described as "horrifying."

Eyewitnesses told ENN reporters on the scene that they heard Erik "yelp like a little girl" when the wasps simultaneously stung Erik just below the knee and near the ankle of his right leg.

Erik was "singing to himself, mowing the lawn" as the attack unfolded.  An apparent WASP nest, located in or around a tree on the Love Family Estate just north of Eight Mile Road, was roused by the lawnmower.  Per orders, the WASPs found their way to Erik and unleashed their merciless attack.

"Those bastards," Erik told a press conference hastily convened later that evening.  His eyes were swollen from what appeared to be crying like a little baby.  "I didn't do anything to them.  Anything!  I can't believe" Erik bent over to scratch himself "-- I can't believe they would do this.  I already explained to the insect kingdom, it wasn't my fault that the bugs kept hurtling themselves at my car's headlights."

Erik added, "Cars don't kill bugs -- people do.  I mean, you know what I mean."

Insect Kingdom Secretary of State Condoleezza Roach was unavailable for comment, but has previously held Erik personally responsible for the massacre of thousands of bugs on his cross-country trips between Michigan and California.

Stay with ENN as we monitor the bug situation closely.