Science: Erik Is The Love Child of
Karl Rove and Alton Brown
--
VITONET LABS, Michigan
An independent investigation carried out by
VitoNet Labs Geneticists have confirmed what we most feared: Karl Rove is
Erik's father. Well, one of his fathers.
According to scientists, as part of a
masterful plot to destroy longtime Erik adversary Japanese Prime Minister
Junichiro "Junichiro" Koizumi, Rove and Food Network personality Alton Brown
conceived Erik with the help of Japanese Iron Chef French Hiroyuki Sakai.
The full report can be read
here, at the
center of the world's awesomeness, the VitoNet.
In a related story, this new scientific
evidence confirms, once and allegedly for all, that Erik is not, in fact,
Michael Jackson.
When asked for comment, Erik would only say
that "for obvious reasons, I cannot comment about an ongoing investigation.
I have full confidence in my fath-- I mean, everyone working at the White
House, so I'm sure that my confidence has not been misplaced."
Recent comments penned by Erik at his
Most Important Blog... Ever, would seem to contradict these statements
of confidence in Rove. Stay with ENN as we continue our investigation.
