All Across Earth, Women Aghast As Erik Seen With A Lovely Bride

July 7, 2007

ATL, DIRTY SOUTH

ENN has confirmed that Erik will appear in a wedding on the auspicious date of 07.07.07 in the delicious city of Atlanta, Georgia.

At the time of this writing, literally billions of women can be seen walking out onto the street, despondent.  One woman in Kuala Lumpur summed up the general global feeling: "I can't believe he's actually getting married without me.  What am I going to do?" 

At this time, ENN cannot confirm rumors that Erik will merely appear in his cousin Michelle's wedding to a dashing young man named Brent.  However, recent photographs taken at the scene of the wedding appear to show Michelle looking absolutely stunning, her daughter Chole looking cuter than ever, and Mr. Brent looking surprisingly calm, cool, and British.  ENN wedding analyst Ed Bonsecour tells us exclusively that these photos appear to lend support to the hopeful theory that Erik might still be single (and ready to mingle).

"Yeah, I have an inside track to this wedding," Big Ed told ENN's "Good Morning, Erik!" program earlier today.  "I can't say too much here on ENN, but I can tell you that women across the world should stop crying and get back to clawing and scratching at one another in the dim hope that they might get noticed by Erik."

Many women were unconvinced even after hearing Ed's report.  One sobbing woman in Seattle told ENN that "Erik's amazing enough that he... he could marry his cousin and I'd still want to date him.  That's how much I want to be with him, OK?  Turn off the camera." 

Stay with ENN throughout this breaking event, as we celebrate Michelle and Brent's wedding today and every day.