This Time, Earth's Women Prepared As Erik Is Seen At An Amazing Wedding

September 2, 2007

SAN FRANCISCO

While sporadic reports of minor injuries caused by fainting have been heard here at ENN, it appears at this hour that the vast majority of the planet's women were relatively well prepared for Erik's appearance at this swanky San Francisco wedding.

Unlike a few months ago, when untold billions of women from Bangkok to Davenport were seen bawling uncontrollably, this time the photos of Erik pictured with stunning marital beauty -- in this case, Moira and her new husband Joe -- most rumors of Erik's getting hitched were quickly squelched.

"It's not like he's got any family in Northern California, right?" one slightly nervous woman in Caracas said.  "So, I mean, why would he go to San Francisco to get married?  It just doesn't add up.  I'm sure everything's OK."

When pressed for comment by ENN reporters in the City by the Bay, Erik deferred to his press secretary -- Ian Douglass -- who released the following written announcement.

"Citizens -- fear not.  Erik Love is still on the market.  While he would love to get married to either Joe or Moira here in San Francisco, circumstances just do not permit him to abandon his unmarried status.  Please do not panic.  Peace."  The statement continued: "If anyone is interested, I'm selling my old laptop, too.  Just email me.  Thanks."

Even with these calming words, some panic did hit the streets of San Francisco as Erik was seen to be dancing at the wedding reception.  "Ooh, yeah, that's terrible," said one San Francisco dance expert.  "We've gotta get out of here!"

Despite Erik's typically horrible dance moves, all reports from the wedding itself say that it was fantastic -- great food, great company, and even some great dance moves provided by Moira's high school troupe.

Stay with ENN throughout the evening, as we celebrate the ever-blossoming love of Moira and Joe.